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Viccek :)

2013.01.01

        Mi az kicsi,golyó alakú és szarva van???

        -????

        Kecske Bogyó!!!
        Mész az erdőben látsz egy kék elefántot és lelövöd a kék elefánt lövő puskával.

        Később látsz egy piros elefántot hogy lövöd le???

        -???

        A piros elefántot befested kékre és lelövöd a kék elefánt lövő puskával.
        -Hogy rakod be az elefántot a hűtőbe???

        -???

        -Kinyitod a hűtőt berakod az elefántot és becsukod a hűtőt.

        -Hogy rakod be a zsiráfot a hűtőbe???

        -???

        -Kinyitod a hűtőt kiveszed az elefántot, berakod a zsiráfot.

        -A Szavannán gyűlés van ki hiányzik???

        -???

        -A zsiráf mert az bent van a hűtőbe.

        Három bagoly ül a fán az egyik megszólal: Vettem egy új órát! Erre a másik:
        Én meg 64 különféle baromfit! És mind a hárman elrepültek! Másnap találkoznak. Megszólalaz egyik: ellopták az órámat! Erre a másik: Nekem meg az állataimat!
        Erre megszólal a harmadik ránéz az új órájára
        és felrikkant: ÚÚ MÁR ENNYI AZ IDŐ MEGKELL
        ETETNEM AZ ÁLLATOKAT!!!!!!
        Jön egy fiú a hírrel:
        - Új fajta állatok!
        - És hogy néznek ki?
        - Lapos,nyálkás és törött !
        - Mi a neve?
        - Lepénycsiga.
        -Mi az, kicsi, barna, büdös és gőzölög???
        -???
        -A mókus izzad
        Az óperenciás tengeren is túl, még az üveghegyeken is túl lakott a kurta farkú malac feljött a nap fölébredt a malac s azt mondja
        -de rohadt messze lakom!
        Két beképzelt bagoly beszélget.Az egyik megszólal:
        -Az isten álmomban azt mondta, hogy én vagyok a legszebb bagoly a földön! Mire a másik:
        -Hát én ilyet nem is mondtam!
Belépés Regisztráció Kapcsolatfelvétel Vicc az oldaladra
  •  
    Állatos viccek - nevetséges.hu
          Mi az kicsi,golyó alakú és szarva van???

          -????

          Kecske Bogyó!!!
          Mész az erdőben látsz egy kék elefántot és lelövöd a kék elefánt lövő puskával.

          Később látsz egy piros elefántot hogy lövöd le???

          -???

          A piros elefántot befested kékre és lelövöd a kék elefánt lövő puskával.
          -Hogy rakod be az elefántot a hűtőbe???

          -???

          -Kinyitod a hűtőt berakod az elefántot és becsukod a hűtőt.

          -Hogy rakod be a zsiráfot a hűtőbe???

          -???

          -Kinyitod a hűtőt kiveszed az elefántot, berakod a zsiráfot.

          -A Szavannán gyűlés van ki hiányzik???

          -???

          -A zsiráf mert az bent van a hűtőbe.

          Három bagoly ül a fán az egyik megszólal: Vettem egy új órát! Erre a másik:
          Én meg 64 különféle baromfit! És mind a hárman elrepültek! Másnap találkoznak. Megszólalaz egyik: ellopták az órámat! Erre a másik: Nekem meg az állataimat!
          Erre megszólal a harmadik ránéz az új órájára
          és felrikkant: ÚÚ MÁR ENNYI AZ IDŐ MEGKELL
          ETETNEM AZ ÁLLATOKAT!!!!!!
          Jön egy fiú a hírrel:
          - Új fajta állatok!
          - És hogy néznek ki?
          - Lapos,nyálkás és törött !
          - Mi a neve?
          - Lepénycsiga.
          -Mi az, kicsi, barna, büdös és gőzölög???
          -???
          -A mókus izzad
          Az óperenciás tengeren is túl, még az üveghegyeken is túl lakott a kurta farkú malac feljött a nap fölébredt a malac s azt mondja
          -de rohadt messze lakom!
          Két beképzelt bagoly beszélget.Az egyik megszólal:
          -Az isten álmomban azt mondta, hogy én vagyok a legszebb bagoly a földön! Mire a másik:
          -Hát én ilyet nem is mondtam!
          Nyuszika ül a fa tövében és írogat. Arra megy a róka és
          megkérdi:
          - Mit írsz nyuszika?
          - Szakdolgozatot arról, hogy a kis állatok hogyan tudják
          megvédeni magukat a nagyvadaktól!
          - Ez hülyeség! Gyere a bokorba és mutasd meg!
          A róka csupa véresen jön ki, de a nyuszikának semmi baja!
          Arra jár a farkas is és ő is megkérdi a nyuszikát:
          - Mit írsz nyuszika?
          - Szakdolgozatot arról, hogy a kis állatok hogyan tudják
          megvédeni magukat a nagyvadaktól!
          - Ez hülyeség! Gyere a bokorba és mutasd meg!
          A farkas csupa véresen jön ki, de a nyuszikának semmi baja!
          Arra jár a medve! Megkérdi:
          - Mit írsz nyuszika?
          - Szakdolgozatot arról, hogy a kis állatok hogyan tudják
          megvédeni magukat a nagyvadaktól!
          - Ez hülyeség! Gyere a bokorba és mutasd meg!
          A medve csupa véresen jön ki, de a nyuszikának semmi baja!
          Kijön utána az oroszlán és így szól:
          - Látod nyuszika, nem az számít, hogy miről írsz
          szakdolgozatot, hanem az, hogy ki a konzulensed!
        Mókuska randira készülődik. Igencsak kiöltözik, már a sminkje is készen van, amikor hirtelen leszarja egy madár.
        Hát, Mókuska mérgelődik...
        - Na de madárka! Hát miért szartál le?! Épp randira készülődöm!
        - Ja, és még azt is üzeni, hogy nem ér rá!
          - Édesapám, főzni tanulunk az iskolában!
          - És megehetitek, ami megfőztetek?
          - Muszáj.
          A kisgyerek izgatottan jön haza az iskolából:
          - Anyuci, tudod mi vagyok én?
          - Nem kisfiam.
          - Személyes névmás.
          Az első osztályban a gyerekek azzal dicsekednek, hogy kinek mik a szülei.
          - Bi-bí, az én papám pilóta. És mit csinál a te papád?
          - Bi-bí, amit a mamám parancsol.
          A tanító néni felszólítja egyik diákját:
          - Hallom, Pisti, hogy otthon megint rossz fát tettél a tűzre!
          - Tanító bácsi! Nem is igaz! Hiszen már hetek óta egyáltalán nem is fűtűnk!
          - Bácsi, kérek léggömböt!
          - Elfogyott, kisfiam. Az előbb egy néni mindet megvette az unokájának.
          - Hol van az a gyerek?
          - Ott száll a templom felett.
          - Néni kérem, mit tetszik kötni?
          - Harisnyát, kisfiam.
          - És miért tetszik olyan gyorsan kötni?
          - Igyekszem, hogy befejezzem, mielőtt elfogy a fonal.
          Pistikééknél csöng a telefon, Pistike veszi fel:
          - Tessék, ki az? – kérdezi suttogva.
          - Jóska bácsi vagyok, apukáddal szeretnék beszélni.
          - Nincs itthon, elment az erdőbe rendőrökkel.
          - Akkor anyukáddal.
          - Ő sincs itthon, a halászbrigáddal kotorják a halastavat.
          - Akkor nagyapáddal.
          - Ő sincs itthon, a kútfúrókkal merik a kutat.
          - Akkor nagymamáddal.
          - Ő sincs itthon, a mezőt járja szomszéddokkal.
          - És mond, miért beszélsz suttogva?
          - Mert most meg engem keresnek.
          Torna-öltözőben:
          - Nagyon kényelmes vagy Gabikám, igyekezz már egy kicsit, vagy talán én húzzam fel a cipődet?
          - Hát, szerintem szorítani fogja a tanárnő lábát.
          A táblánál lévő felelőt sürgeti a tanár:
          - Igyekezz fiam, mert mindjárt kicsöngetnek.
          - Én is azt várom.
        - Apuci, segíts légy szíves! A föcit tanulom és az istennek sem találom a Kárpátokat!
        - Anyádat kérdezd, Pistike, ő pakolt a szobádban.

     

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